I've been thinking a lot lately about whether or not I want to stay here for another project cycle or try to return to the States. Of course one of the biggest factors is whether I'd prefer to raise Aldus here or there, and one of the biggest factors within that is the parenting environment in the U.S.
It struck me long before I even became a parent that the climate of judgment of other parents' choices and parenting abilities is so very nasty there. Worse than that, it's not even constructive. Parents are paranoid of making mistakes, not because it's in the interests of their children, but because other parents will think ill of them. Everyone's got an opinion about how to feed a child, discipline a child, teach a child - as though there's only one right way to do any of these things and theirs is it! Maybe it's the same over here and we're simply insulated from it by not being fully immersed in Dutch media or social circles with other parents. But I doubt it.
I've also been trying to come to terms with the fact that I don't want to join the baby-education rat race (membership required for any of the NYTimes articles linked here) manifested in Baby Einstein, Junior Kumon, etc. For the most part I really feel like kids need to be kids. There's no need to start strapping headphones on your belly to make your child a genius before it's even made its grand entrance into the world. (Though maybe I'm the one being judgmental now.)
But I also worry that kids going through the American school system don't understand that the U.S. is rapidly losing ground in the global market ("Why Nihao, China! Didn't see you there!"), or the lengths that kids in foreign countries (and their parents!) go to to be competitive.
What's a hopeful parent to do? How do you find the balance?
I feel the same way you do about the "baby education rat race". Not interested, thanks. With Kit, we make sure she does her homework and studies so that she gets the best grades she's capable of and we've got her participating in a mix of activities that she enjoys. I'm careful not to over-schedule her (for her sake and mine). (We might get her into an IB program for middle school and high school - that would be my one concession to international competition pressures but mostly, I just want to give her the best education we can afford). I hope to continue this way with the little two.
I've always enjoyed giving the finger to those who think I should be doing things differently so if there is pressure to turn our kids into prodigies, I'm not feeling it. :)
I really think they're perfect baby geniuses, just the way they are.
Posted by: Kate C. | August 15, 2008 at 06:47 PM
Do you ever read Sweet Juniper? There was an entry the other day and he was lamenting very similar things....
Posted by: avs | August 16, 2008 at 08:38 PM
I did read the Sweet Juniper column! That was one of a handful of different things I'd read, heard and saw recently that got me thinking about all of this.
Posted by: Krees | August 18, 2008 at 01:48 PM
His writing is great. I really enjoy reading that blog -- the photos of Detroit are amazing too.
Posted by: Amanda | August 19, 2008 at 01:26 AM
I think the education your child will recieve by living in a different country, with the whole of europe on your doorstep, will be invaluable. Who wants a clone of 'the baby education rat race' when you can have a multilingual, erudite, cosmopolitan, education just by going shopping!!
Posted by: Nerida | August 19, 2008 at 05:01 AM
Being a Dutch parent I can tell you the finger exist here as well - but more to mums than to dads! We both work 4 days, making my husband a caring father and me a working mother (huh?). Anyway, the best way in my opinion is just do what you do and just pick out usefull stuff from the 'fingers' if it suits you, just ignore the rest. And I totally agree, kids need to play, learning and working they can do and will do the rest of their lives. The baby rat race is not so much a Dutch thing (yet) fortunately. And I think plenty of love and joyful playtime is enough preperation for school any kid could wish for!
Posted by: Aleid | August 19, 2008 at 07:35 AM
I have to say I have honestly never felt judged about how I parent. Admittedly I am surrounded primarily by a cohort of close friends that all started having their children the same time I did and maybe we just all have similar parenting styles but I think that "mommy wars" crap is more media hype than anything. Surround yourself with people who are loving and supportive and ignore the rest. THAT is the best way to raise a child, IMHO.
Posted by: Lisa | September 17, 2008 at 07:32 PM